Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The Pooh In Me

"Lets begin by taking a smallish nap or two..." Winnie the Pooh 

A nap, that sounds nice.  You know those cool people who want to figure it all out for themselves and toil over everything (my husband)?  I'm not one of them.  I'm one of those compliant people who doesn't really like change and loves advice.  For years I thought, some day I'll find them.  The perfect person with the perfect advice was out there and they were going to have the answers.  Ten steps to follow and everything will work out great.  Dos and Don'ts for a well balanced child who has Down Syndrome.  They were going to have a little girl a few years older then Claire and we were all going to be the closest of friends, basically ride off into the sun set together.

When do we stop doing private therapy?  Should I let her chew on stuff to self soothe?  Should we put her in private school to keep her integrated?  On and on go the questions and on goes my anxiety.  Someone just tell me what to do!     

Reality check, stop the disappointment train, this person doesn't exist! Not that I don't have wonderful friends who also have amazing children with Down Syndrome.  It's that all these kids are so different and each one has very different needs. This is make it up as you go.  There is no catch all, cure all game plan.

A little slow on the uptake but I figured it out, eventually.  I'm going to stop expecting God to bring this person to me because now, I see it, all that I would have missed if we had our perfect plan.  Stumbling around this mess of my life I unexpectedly run into wisdom.  It is there, an unseen treasure living in all things uncomfortable. 

How many beautiful people would I have missed if I had my perfect friend?  I know it, I wouldn't have worked to build meaningful relationships with other families who needed us.  I admit, I'm lazy like that.  Duh, thanks for not giving me what I want, again God.  You are so smart.

Once again I am reminded why I'm not the one writing this story.  God has a bigger plan for Claire then I could ever dream up or we could find to follow.  Taking life a day at a time keeps us close to His heart, His plan.

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