Monday, March 14, 2011

No Small Things

Every morning I wake up to the sound of beloved sisters playing together in their room. "Claire, Kenna change your diaper, lay down please."  Makenna is such a little Mommy! "Dust, dust, dust" Claire sings to herself as she
cleans up her room with a dried out baby wipe leftover from yesterday's fun.

I feed the baby before releasing the little girls, cherishing my alone time with the burrito of pink blankets.  I breath in her sweet smell, reminding myself how fleeting these moments are.  She falls back to sleep and I gently place her in the same bassinet so many blessings have found refuge in.

Opening the door to a "good morning Mommy!" greeting, the girls run over anticipating the big decision, what is for breakfast.  As long as one ingredient is peanut butter they are satisfied.  We sing songs as we eat our "toast, toast, I like it a lot.  Toast, toast, when will it pop?"

It's a perfect morning.  There are no little things, no insignificant moments.  The seemingly small are brush strokes of a larger picture.  The work of art that forms my life, the lives of these beautiful girls.  Every moment is in the maker's hands.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

The Count Down

We are getting ready for the inevitable deployment this spring.  Gearing up for separation between dad and girls.  All the ducks are lining up, and t's crossed to military standers.  Part of me just wants him to leave so he can come home but the bigger part needs a pep talk, why are we doing this again?  It feels like self inflicted torture. 

Nate was all out of sorts over his anthrax shot yesterday, that made it all feel a little more real. As he napped with the girls I tried not to think of why he would be needing a vaccine for anthrax, AKA, lethal biological warfare. 

When Nate is gone even for a day it affects Claire.  She gets upset, some time between nap and dinner, sits by the front door and inconsolably saubs "Dada!"  It's really heart braking to watch.  This time will be different because Makenna is so sharp.  Fortunately she loves to talk to Dad on the phone and we will do as much of that as we can.  Claire refuses to talk to him on the phone, she really knows how to hold a grudge.

I wonder what Makenna will do, she is so affected by people leaving.  Every foster child my friends and I have had in the last year she sensearly misses and asks for on a regular basis. We had "baby James" for a long weekend a few months before Alice was born and she still asks for him.  When Alice came I'm sure she was disappointed we were not bringing home James.  We have video of us saying "it's Alice!" and Makenna replying "No, Baby James!" when she met her little sister.  Just last night we went to Lauren's house and the whole drive over she repeated to herself  "Broccoli moved, Broccoli new house..." Lauren and Matt had a kid-o Makenna nick named Broccoli who left weeks ago. 

So if you want to send up a prayer for us could you say one for Claire and Makenna.  This is going to be very hard for them.  They both love their Daddy so much.  He is the pot of gold at the end of their rainbow ever day.

I guess I am still in the denial phase because I always get upset before he leaves and I have been feeling okay lately.  A prayer for me, that I wouldn't take out my frustration, anxiety and sadness on him but surrender to God's plan for our family.

For Nate, that he will be able to maintain his relationship with the girls as much as possible and that he will give is grief to God. Thanks!