Monday, January 17, 2011

Christmas Baby



Alice Noelle Leitz, what a beautiful one month old baby girl.  Holding her in my arms, so soft, so fragile.  She is like the breath of heaven.  Having a baby so close to Christmas we can't help but think of Jesus like this.  My mind reels, he was so week for me.

 
It's been a really rough couple of months with Claire.  Even just in the last week she super glued herself causing an ER visit for her eye (yes, glued shut) and the total decimation of her hair.  Friday she kicked her therapist three times in a row with consecutive time outs and today she head butted another therapist so hard the I thought it would draw blood.  And that was just the high lights, not the moment by moment drama. I wonder what God was thinking, making me look like such an idiot.

Someone told me this week that Christians are really good at crisis but rarely make it for the long hall.  Sadly, I think for me, it's true.  Give me natural child birth any day but chronic pain, no way!

I feeling helpless in the day to day with Claire.  But God chose to be a baby.  There is nothing more vulnerable, nothing more humble, nothing more helpless.  So maybe if I'm feeling this way it's right were he wants me to be.

Jesus you know how I am feeling.  Please give me the strength to be weak.  Let me not fight the life you made me for.  Give me peace in my distress.  Lord give us wisdom for our sweet girls that they may grow to see you in us.

God you are good.

3 comments:

  1. Your honesty is very moving! and i think you've really nailed it, when you said...So maybe if I'm feeling this way it's right were he wants me to be. Sometimes we try to avoid certain emotions or feelings thinking that we have to be strong or happy or something positive all the time.

    not true. it does take a strong person to be weak at times and hold your hands up to God for strength,
    Sending you a prayer today!

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  2. Thinking of you Tami. Being a parent is a hard job, and yet for some odd reason it leaves us smiling and wanting more when they are grown and gone. There are often days when I am not sure what I am doing, or even if I am the one who should be doing this job. Yet, I'm sure my mother thought the same thing at times, and I never knew it at all. All I remember was that she was always there in the pictures in my head and that she was always listening, thoughtful and stronger than I ever could be. I read somewhere that kids look to us when they are in crisis to see if we are in crisis too and then they emulate what we do in order to help them overcome their own fragilness in this big world. I'm sure that the business of Christmas and having a new baby has disrupted Claire's schedule, and if that is the case, then you can count on good times ahead as things mellow out in the spring time. Wishing that for you today!

    Amy

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  3. The older I get and the more I see,the more I am SO Thank full that I have Made it this far in my life.God,my children and my loved ones are what have made me
    what I am today.Being a Parent today is for the young,I do not want to go back,I am a Grand-parant,and very pleased to be so.I am very greatful for our (MY) youngsters for creating the future with these presious little ones that I call Grand Children!!!!!!!!!!

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