Monday, January 17, 2011
Alice Noelle Leitz, what a beautiful one month old baby girl. Holding her in my arms, so soft, so fragile. She is like the breath of heaven. Having a baby so close to Christmas we can't help but think of Jesus like this. My mind reels, he was so week for me.
It's been a really rough couple of months with Claire. Even just in the last week she super glued herself causing an ER visit for her eye (yes, glued shut) and the total decimation of her hair. Friday she kicked her therapist three times in a row with consecutive time outs and today she head butted another therapist so hard the I thought it would draw blood. And that was just the high lights, not the moment by moment drama. I wonder what God was thinking, making me look like such an idiot.
Someone told me this week that Christians are really good at crisis but rarely make it for the long hall. Sadly, I think for me, it's true. Give me natural child birth any day but chronic pain, no way!
I feeling helpless in the day to day with Claire. But God chose to be a baby. There is nothing more vulnerable, nothing more humble, nothing more helpless. So maybe if I'm feeling this way it's right were he wants me to be.
Jesus you know how I am feeling. Please give me the strength to be weak. Let me not fight the life you made me for. Give me peace in my distress. Lord give us wisdom for our sweet girls that they may grow to see you in us.
God you are good.